To Be Alive
by Vega Moon Star
Summary: HOLD! MAJOR MELT DOWN IN THE CREATIVITY DEPARTMENT! MIGHT REWRITE!
1. Fear: Life or Death

**Vega- Hello everyone! It's us again the wonderful muses known as Vega Moon Star. Today we bring you a story of pain... **

Tally- Of hope!

Melody- Of sadness!

Elfa5- Of trust

Allana- Of deception

Toxic- holds up sign that reads: Of love

Vega- Of- is cut off by Ice

Ice- Oh dear God! The damn things about a girl who grew up with out the love of her family and doesn't find a point in life and so has a severe death wish and the only thing that has kept her from killing herself is her fear and Heero ,while trying to find his humanity and his place in life, meets her and being responsible for sooo many deaths feels the need to help her and the story is Heero trying to show Erin (the girl) the reasons why she should stay alive and that she does have a place in life and the irony is Heero himself is searching for the same things, so the two struggle together in search of the answers and salvation they seek, one has a problem with trust and the other is oblivious to their feelings. takes a deep breathe

Tally- HEEEEEY! I was about to say that!

Melody- oh boy

Tally- LINE STEALER!

Ice- oh shut up you couldn't remember your lines so we switched it.

Tally- WHAT?

Elfa5- Both of you shut up.

Allana- AHEM We are in the middle of something here...

Vega- sweat drops yeah um what ever Ice said and a few more things...uh...Toxic hands her a piece of paper Wha? Uh  
"This story is rated R for language, violence, sexual situations, and for being just plan morbid. There fore you are all warned! Though nothing TOO serious has happened YET there will be eventually. We are still debating on weather or not this will be an 1/OC or 1/R. It might be for the first one and switch for the sequel...it's still too early to tell but we plan on basing the choice on what you ,the readers, say in reviews so please do review and tell us what you think. DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GW or anything associated with it HOWEVER that may change. The brainstorm of which this story is a product of also rained down a few interesting ideas on world domination! So ya never know...Again flames are welcome ideas too. Any way there isn't much paper left so we'll just end it here. Enjoy To Be Alive  
Signed VEGA MOON STAR AND CO." Looooong pause Vega- oh... turns and leaves with others

'...' thought

"..." speech

(...) authoress trying to lighten the mood...but failing.

To Be Alive

Chapter One-

**Fear; Life or Death.  
**  
I shivered under the feel of the cold metal blade. It was a delightful shiver. A shiver that I welcomed with open arms. It felt so right to have the knife slice through my skin like butter. The physical pain wasn't that bad. It was nothing compared to the pains of my emotional state. This was what?

The 10th time?

Or maybe the 11th. What does it matter? It would all be over soon. Soon all my worries and cares would disappear and the hold this world had on me would let go. I'd be free. I didn't care where I ended up in death.

Heaven or Hell.

It didn't matter. Just as long as I was away from here. This place was neither a heaven nor a hell. It was Earth. This stupid planet of which I am exiled to misery. I really must have pissed some one off in a past life. But as I said it didn't matter anymore. Soon it would all disappear. Soon I'd be dead...and happy. All I had to do was thrust the knife into my heart. I'd make it quick and painless.

Painless...heh...does that even exist? Oh well. Doesn't matter now. As long as I get the quick part.

I raised the knife in both hands and angled it towards my chest. I could feel the warm blood run down my arms from the slices in my wrists. I am so close! I took a deep breath and counted to three.

'One...two...three!'

Nothing.

'Damn it! Why can't I do this?'

'You know why.' It was that stupid voice again. She was always right. I knew why I couldn't kill myself. The same reason I couldn't do it before.

Fear.

I was afraid of death. Afraid of the unknown. Once I tried jumping off a building. I couldn't do it. I'd start to fall but then suddenly grab the ledge. It's stupid I know. The thing I wish for more than anything is the thing I fear most. Talk about irony.

"Damn it!"

I throw the knife under my mattress and walk into my bathroom to wrap my wrists. My room was a mess. Just the way I like it. The walls are green with a bunch of junk hanging on them and the ceiling is black. I had clothes everywhere on the ground along with some scattered papers. One wall was completely covered by a book case and my bathroom door. Another had my balcony door, closet, my desk (which isn't too clean either), a futon and bean bag chairs to cover the rest. The third wall had my bed. It was a loft bed. Under it was a mini desk with my computer and computer equipment. A mini fridge, a microwave, and a toaster sat in the corner. (:P)

Then finally there is the fourth wall. This is MY WALL! It's occupied by a big screen TV (with cable), DVD/VCR, 2 large speakers (with 2 more spread out for efficient surround sound use.), and a kick ass stereo system. (o.O) I think it is safe to say my room is the best and only good thing in my life. I designed it so I'd never have a reason to leave it. Unfortunately though there is one thing that forces me out of my room every morning.

School.

Which judging by the clock on my wall starts in about 4 hours. So after cleaning up with a shower, I pull off my boy's boxers and overly large tank top which serve as my pjs, and begin getting dressed. Some underwear, a bra, a pair of baggy green cargo pants, a black sleeveless shirt, and a green sleeveless vest to go over it. Green is my favorite color, in case you haven't noticed. I especially like it's darker shades.

I put on a pair of socks and walk over to my food pantry and grab a pack of pop tarts.(pop tarts away!) I put them in the toaster and begin the tireless task of brushing my hair. (I Love My Toaster!) My hair is brunette and down to my shoulder blades with green tips. My bangs partly cover my eyes which are yes green... ...naturally. (XP) For today I'd have my hair down however just for the hell of it I wrap a bandana around my head a fix my hair so that all you can see of the piece of clothe are the parts covering my forehead. The bandana is green with little punk heads on it and the words "School Of Hard Knocks" written everywhere.

I casually pull my glasses off and clean them before turning to the full-length mirror on my bathroom door. My face was freckled spotted. I hated freckles. I didn't bother with make up. I couldn't find a point in the stuff so never wore any. Not even lip-gloss. I didn't have a single piercing so the only jewelry I wore would be an occasional necklace. A quick glance at the clock told me to hurry. I grabbed my backpack and shoved my books into it with my CDs and CD player. I placed the headphones on my head and threw the bag onto my back. To cover my scars I pulled on a pair of biking gloves. I grabbed my pop tarts and stuck one in my mouth. And with that I left the sanctuary that is my room.

I took quick glances down the hallway. It was quiet and dark. The rest of the houses occupants were still asleep. I crept towards the stairs and silently climbed down them. I reached the first platform which angled the stairs right and ended in the kitchen. I crept to the front door through the family room and pulled my shoes on. Carefully I opened the door and walked outside. It was still dark out for it was only 4:15 in the morning. The sun had yet to rise. Calmly I walked through what was supposed to be the front yard. It was only a very large patch of dirt with a walk way let led though it towards the street. A drive way sat next to it filled with cars. Ignoring them I walked though the metal fence and unchained my bike from it and got on. I turned on my music and began the trip to my high school. School started at 8 so I had about four hours to bike the 3 ½ hour trip. As I biked I saw the city in which I lived come alive again for another day. By 5 the streets were already filled with cars taking their drivers to work. It was a fairly normal fall morning. I reached my school early. How is beyond me. I just did.

My school is Helena High School or as it is more lovingly called Hell High. It was big with six stories. It had to be to fit the cities growing population of teens. I parked and chained my bike and headed to the front doors. The parking lot was already filling with students. After passing the vigorous security inspections of bomb sniffing dogs, metal detector, and pat downs, (o.O) I headed to the freshman hallway where my locker resided.

It was about a month into the school year and all the freshmen were paranoid about Homecoming. The closer it got to home coming the more the seniors initiate the freshmen. Yep! That's right! Initiation AKA hazing. It's actually against school policy for hazing to take place, but hey! All the more reason to do it. Besides it's not like the teachers do anything to stop it. No matter how violent or "inhuman" it gets.

After finding my locker and winning the fight with my lock I pull off my backpack and make sure only the books for the first half of the day are in there. To avoid seniors I find that staying as far from my locker as often as I can helps. The rest of my books I place in my locker and change my CD. All the while I am oblivious to the group of seniors who spotted me and are now heading in my direction. ( plays Jaw's theme song) I didn't notice them until one slammed my locker shut. Sighing I pull down my headphones and calmly turn around. Not surprisingly I find them all to be guys.

"Well well...would you looky here. It's a Frosh." Says the first guy. (goon 1)

"So it is." Says another (goon 2)

"What ya wanna do to her?" asks a third (goon 3)

"I know! How about we stick her in the J Room." Suggests goon 1. Ah…yes…The J Room AkA Janitors Closet. It's supposed to be a dark musty and disgusting room with no door knob in the inside. One kid died in there and three more got severe breathing defects.

"That sounds good." Says goon 3.

"Alright. The J Room it is!" Says a fourth. (goon 4) I glare death at them. Daring them to touch me. Two grab my arms and hold me. I fight them. I'm not scared. Why should I be. You see the seniors have a little pattern with initiating freshmen. The guys do the initiating where as the girls serve as spies. Pretty clever except all guys have one common weakness. I smirk as I kick one guy in the groin and he collapses in pain on the floor. See. A common weakness. I manage to get an arm loose and elbow another in the gut...hard. A third pushes me up against the lockers pinning me there. I could feel his body press hard against mine in an effort to hold me. The fourth lets go of my arm and moves to help his buddies still on the ground. The one restraining me grinned perversely.

"Perhaps you want a different type of initiation." I felt him rub his groin against me. (o.O uh oh) I glare cold death at him. He was dead. D-E- A-D. Dead!

"Dream on" I say just before kneeing him in the gut. He pulls back slightly. Big mistake. I pull back my fist and deck the bastard right in the face. A sickening crack is heard as the bones in his nose brake. He falls to the ground holding his face and yelling threats at me. (heh heh heh evil)

"You try that again and I'll brake more than just your nose." I turn to the final senior. A look of shock on his face. He looks at me frightened. He should be. I didn't grow up in this city with out picking up some pointers on street fighting. It's not like this was my first time using it anyway. Seeing that he wasn't going to try and "avenge his fallen comrades" I put my headphones back on and walk away. Fellow freshmen who had seen the little event cheered me all the way to my first class. I knew that by 2nd period the whole school would know. Then the real "fun" begins. After hearing of a challenge seniors will focus all their energy on initiating me. 'oh well...I guess today's going to be very...eventful' I think just as I reach my first period class...Art.

**Sooooooooo...waja think? Do I continue or don't I? Come on! I wanna know! Review Damn it! Hey...first reviewer gets a cookie:P**


	2. Greetings! Welcome to Hell!

**Vega- Ok ppl!! Heres chappie 2!!  
  
Tally- Yep!! All typed up and ready to read!!  
  
Allana- Yeah no thanks to you Lazy Ass.  
  
Tally-HEEEEEEY! Thanks grin   
  
Melody- Oi vey  
  
Ice- Will you shut up already!!!  
  
Elfa5- Yeah we do have ppl waiting.  
  
Vega-ahem Ok first of all Meline as the first reviewer of this story you get  
  
a COOKIE!!  
  
Tally- Freshly baked too.  
  
Ice- Too all of you ppl who might have read but NOT reviewed...your loss.  
  
Elfa5- Right...um...of our idget friends who couldn't find the time of day to even  
  
look at the damn story......sticks tongue out  
  
Tally- No Christmas presents for you!!! Mwahahahahahaha!  
  
Allana- That's right!  
  
Melody- Even though this decision seems very childish I must agree............YOU  
  
REALLY HATE US!!!  
  
All the Muses- WE FEEL SO UNLOVED!!! CRY   
  
Vega- covers ears  
  
Tally' sign- Review to shut them up!!! Enjoy  
  
**

****

** To Be Alive  
  
Chapter Two-  
  
Greetings: Welcome To Hell!  
**

Heero pulled into the school parking lot. Today was his first day of school.  
  
He found that this public school was a good place to remain inconspicuous and  
  
start a new life. No one knew him and he didn't know anyone. It was perfect.  
  
He could finally be human. He grabbed his bag and got out of his car, locked  
  
it, and went inside. It was huge...and crowded. He began the troublesome task  
  
of finding the guidance office where he'd pick up his schedule and find his  
  
locker. The guidance office was just as crowded as the halls. Kids were  
  
everywhere. Some were asleep, some making out, some even bleeding. He found  
  
the secretary at her desk "talking" to a concerned about a bomb-threat rumor.  
  
She paused when she noticed him.

"Yes?" she asked w/ a smile.

"My name is Heero Yuy. I'm here to pick up my schedule and locker assignment."  
  
He stated stone-faced.

"Exchange student?" He nodded.

"Just have a seat I'll be with you in a moment sweetie." She was in her mid  
  
30's and her hair was dark and short.

"Thank you.' He picked a chair and sat down. A bell rang and some students  
  
left in a rush. Those left stared at him a while. He wasn't surprised. An  
  
icy glare made them turn away. A few minutes passed before Heero was called  
  
over by the secretary. She motioned for him to take a seat so he did.

"Heero right?" she asked he nodded. "Ok first I'm Ms. Lacy. If you have any  
  
questions or problems feel free to come to me." He nodded. "Alright..."  
  
She turned to the computer and typed a few things.

"Lets see...uh huh...here you  
  
are...Heero Yuy; grade 10...so you're what 16?" He nodded "Alright." She smiled.  
  
"Now where's that schedule." She got up and went to a wall of filing cabinets.  
  
Obviously experienced she found his file w/ no problem. "Here you go." she  
  
handed him some papers. "You'll find your schedule in there along w/ a map of  
  
the school and you locker number and combination. There is also a summary of  
  
the school rules and requirements. Any questions ask. You'll find some forms  
  
too that need to be filled out and signed by a guardian and return to me. Any  
  
questions?" Heero shook his head. "Alright then. Welcome to Hellena High  
  
School Heero. Have fun and............... be careful." He stood and shook her hand.

"I will thank you." He turned towards the door.

"Oh Heero wait!" He turned

"Yes"

"Here" she handed him a piece of paper. "It's a note for your teachers."

"Thank you." He gave her a small smile. Yes he smiled. Why shouldn't he? He is  
  
supposed to be more human here right? He's not a soldier anymore so smiling is  
  
ok. Besides she seem like such a caring woman he couldn't really help it. W/  
  
that he left to find his locker. When he finally found it he began to search  
  
for his first class. Currently he was standing in the middle of the hallway  
  
looking at his map when a loud thud caught his attention. He peaked around the  
  
corner. A girl w/ grey eyes was up against a locker w/four guys surrounding  
  
her. She had a pissed off expression on her face. Her hair was really short  
  
died red w/ black bangs. She wore ALL black. Baggy pants and a long sleeved  
  
shirt. Heero then looked at her attackers. 4 guys, jocks apparently. One was  
  
holding her backpack. A stupid grin on his face. This was the one the girl  
  
was glaring her promise of pain at.

"Give it back!" She yelled through clenched teeth.

"No" he said.

"NOW!"

"Why?"

"Because its mine!"

"Funny..." he examined the pack. "I don't see your name on it"

"It's mine you ass now give it back"

"Prove it." He said. Out of nowhere the girl decks the guy. He drops her bag,  
  
which she picks up and slings on her shoulder.

"There's my proof you egotistical fucker."

"Why you little... get her!"

The other three quickly grab her and try to shove her into the janitor's  
  
closet. Heero chose this time to appear.

"Let her go" He said.

"Eh? Who the hell are you?"

"I said let her go."

"Why what are you gonna do fag?" one of them shoves him into a wall. Heero  
  
just looks at him and smirks. Then BOOM! The guy is thrown to the ground out  
  
cold.

"Why you!" The others forget the girl and attack Heero. He didn't have  
  
trouble taking care of them. It was especially easy since the girl joined in  
  
beating the shit out of them.

"Thanks buddy!" she grinned

"Don't mention it." He said

"You new?" He nodded

"What grade?"

"10"

"Really. Lucky you."

"How so?'

"Because your not a freshman."

"Is that why they were picking on you?"

"Yeah. Damn seniors. They think they are the bosses of everyone. Names Ray!"

"Heero."

"You lost?"

"Not really" He lied. The map was a tad bit confusing. Ray laughed and Heero  
  
looked at her, puzzled.

"Let me see your schedule...oooo...gym. Well that's all the way on the other side  
  
of the school. Don't bother going now though. First period is almost done. Lets  
  
see second hour you got History. That should be up those stairs left right left  
  
left and your there. You can't miss it.' She handed it back to him.

"Thanks"

"No problem. It's the least I can do. Where you from anyway?"

"L1."

"REALLY! COOOOL!" She smiled. "Welcome to Hell!"

"W-What?"

"Hell it's what we students call the school. Hell High!" The bell rang and  
  
students quickly filled the halls.

"Well see ya"

"Yeah bye" Heero started up the stairs that Ray pointed out and began looking  
  
for his class.

**SOOOOOOO waja think?**


	3. And There You Were: A Historical M...

**Vega- well we are pleased w/ the reviews so lets name 'em ppl!!!!!  
  
Tally- OK! First we have Meline duh! Our cookie winner!**

** Elfa5- Don't forget Vega03! **

**Ice- I write the fights! Thank you very much... **

**Melody- Riiiiiiight any who. Next we have Bl **

**Allana- BLOODY LOVE! Everyone sweat drops **

**Allana- What? **

**Tally- What the hell was that? **

**Allana- WHAT? **

**Melody- What do you mean "what"? You interrupted me when I was about to say Bl **

**Allana- BLOODY LOVE!!! **

**Vega- Ok... what ever...uh B-er-"who know who you are" thanks for reviewing as well as thanks to the rest of you ppl previously named for reviewing! They ARE appreciated! **

**Toxic- Walks over to Allana dressed like a doctor. First she examines her throat then reflexes. Then taking a wooden bat begins bonking Allana on her head **

**Allana- Heeeeeey! jumps up and runs away from Toxic **

**Toxic- Chases Allana w/ wooden bat. **

**Ice- Oi **

**Melody- hear we go again. runs off to save Ally **

**Tally- go get her Tox!!! Elfa5 smacks tal OW! **

**Elfa5- I think you better wrap this up Vega. Drags Tally off to help Ally **

**Vega- O k Any who here chappie 3! Heheheheheh**

**To Be Alive Chapter Three-**

**And There You Were; A "Historical" Meeting!**

_**Heero's POV**_  
  
Ray's directions proved useful as I found my class w/ no problem. I was actually the first one there. The teacher was a bald man in his late 40's. He didn't seem all that friendly. The classroom was big and quickly filled w/ students. I chose a seat in the very back. I watched as the seats around me filled and bell rang. The teacher, Mr. Banel, began class. About 5 minutes into it the door opened and a girl rushed in slamming the door behind her. Everyone turned their attention to her. She was about 5'6" and had brunette hair w/ green tips and wore a bandana. She had green pants on w/ a sleeveless green vest and black shirt. Her cheeks were slightly flushed from running. After catching her breath she made a move to sit but Mr. Banel stopped her.  
  
"Ms. Conner! Would you care to explain to me and your classmates your tardiness and more importantly you rude entrance?" As harsh as his words were I was surprised to find that the girl was completely unfazed. She seemed rather calm. Apparently used to this type of interrogation.  
  
"No," she said, "I don't care to explain either." Her answer didn't please the teacher.  
  
"MS CONNER! You had better watch your tone. I don't tolerate disrespect." She mumbled something under her breath.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I said I'm sorry for my tone Mr. Banel. I didn't mean to disrespect you. I also apologies for my "rude" intrusion on your lesson. It won't happen again." She sneered.

"Make sure it doesn't." He said. "Sit down." Obediently she moved towards her seat...towards me. I watched her w/ the rest of the class. Students snickered as she pasted. She glared at them and sat in a desk next to me. Mr. Banel continued the lesson and I ignored the girl next to me.  
  
In the middle of class a fight broke out. No one really knew the cause and I have yet to figure it out. No one seemed shocked or surprised when it happened which puzzled me. Mr. Banel left w/ both students involved and the rest of the class did whatever they wanted. It was during this time that a girl approached me. She was dressed in somewhat revealing clothes and smiled seductively at me.  
  
"Hi I'm Sussane. Sussane Camble. What's your name?" She asked as she sat on my desk.  
  
"Heero Yuy"  
  
"Heero huh cool ya Chinese?" She kept talking before I could correct her.  
  
"I've always found China fascinating. Do you have a girlfriend in China?" She kept rambling on and on like this for a few minutes until.........  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" Everyone turned to the girl from before  
  
"Excuse me?" I turned too. The girl was leaning back comfortably in her chair w/ headphones on and eyes closed. "Why should I" Asked Sussane, pissed.

"Because he is obviously not interested in you! He isn't even Chinese. He is Japanese. There is a difference!"

"And why should I listen to you. You're a freshmen."

"So? It's better than being a slut who starting freshmen year fucked every guy in the school. Including teachers." Sussane fumed. She got off my desk and walked of to the girl who amazingly still had her eyes closed.  
  
"Bitch! At least I can get a guy. You probably don't even know the meaning of the word fuck let alone what a slut is. "  
  
"I'm not surprised you can get a guy. Every one of them is so fricken horny they'd even fuck an ugly whore like you."  
  
"Why you little. You better watch it FROSH. My boyfriend is a senior." At hearing this the girl laughed catching everyone off guard.  
  
"OOOOOO...Big scary Senior huh? LOL Ok you tell him Erin Conner called you a whore and a slut and said his IQ is so low that he fucks you up your ass. LOL Yeah tell him that. See if I care LOL." Everyone stared at the girl who called herself Erin. They seemed so shocked that she was challenging a senior. I inwardly laughed at the look on Sussane's face. Complete clueless and utter shock.  
  
"I-I will and you'll be sorry!" She stomped over to her desk. "Oh man." said one student. "Your in for it now Erin."  
  
"Tch." Erin smirked. "I'm not worried" She finally opened an eye. I stared. Her eyes were the most amazing green I'd ever seen. They'd put Trowa's to shame. She spoke. "Heero right? Like the former Colonial leader?" I nodded. "Nice. Sorry if I, uh, seemed rude. I just couldn't stand listening to her anymore." I nodded. That's all I could do. I was still lost in her eyes. There were so many emotions in them. All at once. I didn't know where to begin. She seemed to be staring at me too. I would have stayed like that forever if my curiosity hadn't gotten the better of me.  
  
"Why are you here?" She seemed to snap back to reality. "Hmm? Oh...Uh what do you mean?" "You're a freshmen aren't you?" "Yeah but I excel in certain subjects so I'm up a class. So don't be surprised if you see me again." There was a minute or two of silence then her eyes suddenly went from many emotions to one. Loneliness. What caused the sudden change still plagues me.

**_Erin's POV_**  
  
Art class went by all too fast for me. Before I knew it seniors were chasing me. It was because of them that I was late for class. Not that I really care for History. I already know all I need to and more about the past but the fact that Mr. Banel would be pissed didn't quite appeal to me. It was for this reason that I rushed in unannounced. I heard the footsteps of my pursuers pass by the door and caught my breath. I then proceeded to sit when...............

"Ms Conner! Would you care to explain to me and your class mates the reason of your tardiness and more importantly your rude entrance?" Explain to him and the class? HA! They all knew why a freshmen would be late for class. Sophomores were just as bad as seniors. They act all High-and-mighty. So I answered his w/ the truth.  
  
"No I don't care to answer either." Mr. Banel never liked the truth.  
  
"MS CONNER!! You had better watch your tone. I don't tolerate disrespect!"

"Really I would have never guessed since you show so little respect yourself."

"Excuse me?" "I said I'm sorry for my tone Mr. Banel. I didn't mean to disrespect you. I also apologies for my "rude" intrusion on your lesson. It won't happen again." I sneered.

"Make sure that it doesn't. Sit down." I moved to my seat glare at the idiots that thought this was funny. When I finally reach my seat I couldn't help but notice the new face. Deciding he didn't matter I just put on my headphones and fell asleep on my desk.  
  
I woke up just as the fight broke out. It wasn't uncommon for fights to start in school especially during class. Sometime they were started on purpose just as the teachers' lecture reached it's high on the boring gauge. Weather this fight was on purpose or not didn't concern me. The point was that Mr. Banel was gone and the class was free. So I simply replaced my head on my desk and just as I was about to fall back to sleep SHE spoke. Sussane Camble. The school slut. Annoying, obnoxious, loud.........stupid. I couldn't help but "over hear" her attempt to seduce the guy next to me. When she started rambling I lost it. The guy was Obviously Japanese. Honestly some people are so oblivious. She is so stupid. I wasn't the least bit worried about loosing the argument. Nor was I afraid of her so-called "boyfriend". Actually I found it all quite amusing. After digging my grave I turned to the cause of the fight. I couldn't help but connect his name to that of the late Heero Yuy. His parents must have really loved the leader to name their son after him. During our short conversation I noted several things about him. How he kept himself stone faced. That he kept staring at me. And his eyes. They were the most amazing blue. They held so much meaning though void of emotion. I felt as though there was a story behind them. A story the needed to be told...and heard. When he finally spoke I couldn't help but become addicted to his voice. It's weird I know. His voice was deep and strong. It was confident and meaning in every word. I finally realized he had asked me a question. So I answered it .....................truthfully. Though the thought of the rest of the day didn't help my mood. I was reminded of what awaited me after school. Nothing. My parents would be at work, siblings hanging out w/ friends, and me, being friendless, would be home alone. Never having homework didn't help. I hated being smart. Yes it was going to be a long, long day...

SOOOOOOOOOOOO! Waja think huh what I CAN"T HEAR YOU DANMIT!


	4. Endless Dream, A Glimpse Into The Past

**Vega- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

** Ice- ye GODS stop laughing!**

** Vega- HAHAHAH CAN"T HAHAAHAAHAAHAHA STOP HAHAHAHAHGAHAHAHAHAH**

** Ally- why is she laughing anyway**

** Melody- Don't ask me.......Tally?**

**Tally- It wasn't me!! Giggle**

**Everyone (except Vega)- glare TALLY!**

**Tally- IT WAS TOX"S IDEA!!  
**

**Toxic- turns to run but is grabbed by 5.**

**Elfa5- What did you do?**

**Vega-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH GAS HAHAHAHAHAHAA**

**Melly- Gas? Turns to Toxic and sees a container labeled LAUGHING GAS**

**Everyone- looks at each other**

**Ice- oi vey**

**Disclaimer- I DON"T OWN GW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!**

** To Be Alive  
Chapter 4- **

** Endless Dream, A Glimpse Into The Past**

**_Dream Sequence_  
**

_** "SISSY"  
"ERIN!" Erin watched in horror as her sister was dragged away from her  
"Sissy! Help me! Don't let them take me!" The 5 year old pleaded.  
"Hold on Erin! Just hold on! It'll be ok! Just HOLD ON!"  
"Sissy!" Erin cried as her sister was taken to a car and drove away.  
Then a group of men came up and began taking her away.  
"NO! No leave me alone. Sissy! Mommy Daddy! Help me" She kicked and  
screamed, trying desperately to get away. Than darkness consumed her...  
**_

_**End of Dream Sequence  
  
**_

Erin's eyes shot open.

'Again.........I dreamt about it again. It happened so long ago............Emily, I-  
I'm so sorry...' A tear streamed down her cheek. She quickly brushed it  
away and stood. She had fallen asleep on the school roof....again. The  
roof had always been her place of escape. She stared down at the ground  
below.

'So far......I wonder...' Erin's body moved automaticly. Her eyes darkened and  
she leaned farther over the edge. A light breeze blew over her. She  
closed her eyes. 'so nice...' Just as she was about to loose her  
balance...the bell rang, signaling the end of school. Erin pulled back and  
shook her head. She shivered.

"c-cold" Quickly, she grabbed her things and ran inside..................

****

****

****

**END......... NOT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA **


	5. I Do Not Fear The Dark

**Vega- ok ppl...it's two in the morning....no more talking for now....enjoy chapter 5! **

**Ice- Vega!! GO TO BED!!! **

**Vega- heh...  
**  
**'.........' = thought  
  
"........." = speech  
  
(.........) = authoress trying to lighten the mood.........but failing.  
**  
****

****

** To be Alive  
  
Chapter 5:  
  
I Do Not Fear The Dark  
**

Erin limped into her room. Perhaps she had been wrong about no body being home. Turns out her dad was and so she was again punished...because her mom forgot to cook him a lunch for work.

'This is really getting old...' she thought as she closed and locked her door. She had a series of locks on her door. All different kinds...that lock from the inside. Sweet isolation... Sighing Erin leaned up against the door slowly she slid down until she hit the floor. She sat there a few minutes looking over her injuries. He had tried something creative this time. No sooner had she closed the front door then it began. It started out normally yelling slapping then kicking. After a few minutes he took her hand and placed it on the stove top...on a hot skillet. She ended up getting a good second degree burn from it. Then it was back to stage one and it was over. He grabbed his keys and left.

"I wish he'd just leave me alone..." Erin whispered.

_'You deserved it ya know...'_

'What...no I didn't. I didn't do anything!'

_'Yes you did...'_

'Oh really...what?'

_ 'You know what...that's why they beat you. To make sure you remember...'_

'I was born...that's all I did. That's all I had to do.'

_'Ha ha ha...that's right. You are a mistake...a problem. You were never meant to be.'_

'I know... I know the story. How mom got drunk that one night while dad was out of town. How she met that man...my father. How dad was so pissed when he found out the truth after I was born. That's why the ignored me as a child. They were pretending I never was born... that the problem wasn't there. And I was fine with it...because she was there...'

"Emily..." She whispered. The voice continued.

_'But your bliss was short lived...' _

'It was...she died.'

_'Heh and how did she die?' _

'I-I killed her...because I was weak...' The voice laughed.

_'That's right it was your fault! Hahaha! And that was it...for your family... that was the last straw. They made it their mission to make you miserable.'_ The voice laughed again. Erin's face changed from sadness to anger.

"That's right...they did and still do." She stood up "But no matter what I still remained...alive alone."

_'Awww poor baby...do you need to cry on my shoulder.'_ The voice sneered. Erin walked across the room and to her desk. She pulled out a notebook and a pencil and began to write.

"No I don't need pity or help or love. I'm not worth any of it. But I won't cry. Crying won't help."

****

**A darkness  
  
Blacker than any can describe.  
  
Emptier than a devil's soul.  
  
That is all I see.**

****

****

'Nothing ever helps...nothing... and no one.'

_** "Erin! laugh Don't eat with your hands...use your fork! Like this see"  
**_

_** "Emi! Look what I found at the beach today." **_

_**"It's a shell.." **_

_**"Yeah and if you put it by your ear you can hear the ocean!" **_

_**"Well so you can. #laugh# "**_

****

**From sun rise to sunset  
  
I cannot tell the difference.  
  
All the sounds I hear  
  
Tell me what I should see.**

****

_**"I don't care what you say...war is not the answer! There are other ways of solving this. Nothing good will come from starting a war!"  
  
**_

_**"Sissy...? Emi why are you crying..." **_

_**"Erin? Oh it's nothing..."**_

_**"Are you sure..." **_

_**"Yep!" **_

_**"............". **_

_**"Hey Erin." **_

_**"hm?" **_

_**"Promise me something." **_

_**"Ok" **_

_**"No matter what the situation...always follow your beliefs. Don't listen to anyone ya hear. No one. Just follow your heart...trust it. Promise me..." **_

_**"O-Ok...okay Emi I promise!"  
  
**_

_**"Emi! Wake up sissy! Please! Don't leave me! Please wake up. WAKE UP!!!"**_

****

**You can feel sorry  
  
You can shower me with pity  
  
I don't need either.  
  
I do not fear the dark**

****

_**"Erin! Don't do it!"**_

_** "Just walk away Ray..." **_

_**"Why...why are you doing this..."**_

_**"Come on Erin! No matter what your parents say you can't really believe it was your fault!" **_

_**"I was there, Ray. I could of helped. I could of saved her!"**_

_** "You were a child. Only 6! Emily made her decision on her own Erin! She knew the consequences. She followed her heart!!!" **_

_**".........."**_

**  
  
The dark which has been my friend all my life  
  
The dark which shields me from the light.  
  
Yes not even light can pierce it  
  
No matter how many times I rub or blink.**

****

_**"Erin...what are you saying?" **_

_**"It's over Ray! I don't want to see you or talk to you ever again."**_

_** "Why? Erin what did I do? Tell me please? What's wrong?"**_

_** "You wouldn't understand...good bye Ray...you're not my friend anymore..." **_

_**"Erin. Erin! Wait! ERIN!"**_

**  
  
I do not fear the dark.  
  
This colorless nothing  
  
Is that  
  
Nothing.**

**  
  
_'Nothing helps. Everything hurts. I will forever be cursed'_**

****

**I do not fear the dark.**

**  
  
A/N: End...till next time ppls!!!! **


	6. Explanations

**Vega- Hey people sorry it took soooo lonng to update. Bit of a writers block thing.**

**Ice- Writer's block. More like stupid block...**

**Tally- Hey that wasn't very nice...**

**Ice- It wasn't meant to be...**

**Melody- girls please not now**

**Ally- You two just can't help yourselves can you?**

**Ice and Tally- Nope.**

**Toxic- sign Can we hurry it up people. We have other stories to work on!!**

**Vega- ok ok here's chapter 6...short yes but chapter seven is already in progress...enjoy!**

**"..." speach**

**'...' thoughts**

**(...) authoress...thaaaaaat's ME!**

**To Be Alive**

**Chapter 6:**

**Explanations**

Erin was sitting in math class ignoring everything around her. She had her headphones on and was listening to music. Her mind was lost to the words of the song.

_**Crowded streets all cleared away**_

_**One by one**_

_**Hollow heroes separate as they run**_

_**You're so cold, keep your hand in mine.**_

_**Wise man wander while strong men die.**_

_**Show me how it ends it's alright**_

_**Show me how defenseless you really are**_

_**Satisfied and empty inside**_

_**That's alright**_

_**Lets give this another try**_

_**If you find your family don't you cry**_

_**In this world of make believe**_

_**Dead and dry**_

_**You're so cold, but you feel alive**_

_**Lay you hands on me one last time**_

_**Show me how it ends it's alright**_

_**Show me how defenseless you really are**_

_**Satisfied and empty inside**_

_**Oh, That's alright**_

_**Lets give this another try**_

_**Show me how it ends it's alright**_

_**Show me how defenseless you really are**_

_**Satisfied and empty inside**_

_**That's alright**_

_**Lets give this another try**_

_**It's alright...**_

_**It's alright!**_

_**It's alright!**_

_**It's alright!**_

_**It's alright!**_

_**It's alright!**_

_**It's alright!**_

_**It's alright!**_

_**It's alright...**_

_**(Cold by Breaking Benjamin...don't own)**_

Just as the next song began a hand slammed down on her desk. Erin looked up at the angry face of the math teacher. It was a new one. The old teacher quit a while ago. Erin had out smarted him too many times. He learned the hard way to leave her alone. Now she had to re-teach this new teacher.

"Ms. Conner would you care to explain to me what you are doing?"

"Listening to music..." Erin answered unaffected by the glare from the teacher.

"I see and tell me is this music class?" Erin shook her head. "No it's math class! And I expect you all to do math in math class. Now tell me does your music have anything to do with math." Erin looked thoughtful.

"Yes actually it does. You see mathematics is very much a part of music. Musical rhythms and notes couldn't exist with out the wonders of numbers. But I'm sure you, being a math teacher, already knew that." The teacher looked dumbfounded. The class erupted in a series of murmurs and whispers. Among them all was Heero. He watched this all with curiosity. It's been about a week since he met Erin and he found him self thinking about her TOO many times. There was something about her that kept tugging at Heero's mind. The teacher stood there stammering trying to tell Erin off. The problem was Erin was right Math is used in music. The bell rang signaling the end of class and start of lunch. The students, Heero and Erin included, exited the room leaving the confused teacher.

In the halls a few students from the class commented to Erin on telling the teacher off...she ignored them and headed straight to the roof. Heero saw her escape and contemplated going after her. A voice from behind stopped him.

"Hey Heero!!!" Heero turned to see Ray walking up to him.

"Hey" Ray grinned. Heero found Ray to be an interesting person. She reminded him of a mix of Duo and Wufei and that was a scary combo when you thought about it. She had already managed to gain Heero's respect and friendship. The two headed down the hall away from the crowded cafeteria. There was a hallway the was always empty. No one ever went down there, Ray had told them. Today they would eat there. They walked a ways till they reached a set of double doors. They were placed al around the school to separate hallways but this was the first set that Heero had seen closed during school hours. Ray lead them through the doors. The hall way was dimly lit. Walls had graffiti on them lockers were rusted and broken. A ways in there was a huge chunk of the hall missing. The reason the hall was closed.

"During the war a bomb was set of in this part of the school. It wasn't big enough to do any real damage but it did leave this nasty hole here." Ray sat down on the floor while Heero wander around.

"And the school never fixed it?"

"They decided it wasn't worth it. Beside the school's budget couldn't cover the cost so they just closed this hall off. "Heero looked around . On the other side of the hall was a glass case. Some of it was black and broken. Inside were various trophies and awards. There was a plaque there. The writing couldn't be read do to the damage from the bomb.

"What's this?" Ray walked over to him. As she looked at the case a look of sadness came over her.

"It's a memorial. To a very special person..."

"Who?" Heero looked at her. Ray reached down and pulled out a picture from under some rubble. She handed it to him. It was a picture of a beautiful girl with dark brown hair and shimmering green eyes. She smiled at the camera. Her eyes shone with happiness and smiled filled all who looked at it with warmth. She looked familiar.

"Who is she?"

"She's the schools number one student. She was a genius. Her IQ was higher than any of the teachers here. She excelled in athletics and was the perfect student. But most of all she was the kindest person you'll ever meet. She dedicated her time to her city, school, and family. Everyone loved her. Her name was Emily Conner." Heero looked up at this.

"Conner?"

"Sound familiar?" He nodded. "She has a younger sister who goes to this school. Erin." Heero nodded.

"I've met her..." He looked back down at the picture "What happened to her?"

"Emily? She ....died. About 9 years ago. She was assassinated."

"Assassinated?"

"Yeah... you see after she graduated she dedicated her future to world peace. She became a pacifist. She traveled around preaching to all who would listen. She became quite popular and that's why she was killed. By an anti-peace group. No one ever found out who." Ray handed him some food they sat down and began to eat.

"When she died she was driving in the cities outskirts with Erin. Some black cars pushed them off the road and the assassins kidnapped them. Police found them almost a day later in an abandoned barn. Emily was dead by the time they arrived. And Erin was on the verge of death. She barely made through the night. No one knows the exact details of what happened so most of the case is a mystery. Erin's the only witness and she was six at the time. I'm sure most of her memories have been blocked out. Since then nothings been the same. The school, the city. Everybody seemed to become miserable." The warning bell rang. Heero and Ray left the hall. Before she left Ray turned to Heero.

"Meet me in the gym after school, oh and dress in your gym uniform." Heero nodded and the two went on their separate ways.

**That's it till next time people!!!!!!!**


	7. His Eyes: Windows to Our Souls

**Ice- Oh my god…**

**Ally-What? **

**Ice- It's actually done…the next chapter is up…**

**Ally- /****Eyes widen /wow…**

**/Ally and Ice stand in shock./ **

**Melody- Guys? What are you doing/Wordlessly Ally points to the computer screen Melody promptly faints. /**

**/Tally, Toxic and Vega enter. O.o /**

**Vega- o…kay…? What happened here? **

**Toxic- /shrug/**

**Tally- /jumps up and down excidedly./ Hey I wanna faint too! How'd Mel do it?**

**/This time both Ice and Ally point. Tally turns toward the screen. Her eyes widen./ AHHHHHHHHH /faint/**

**Vega-oi vey…/Turns and walks away. /**

**/Toxic looks around before shrugging again and leaving./ **

**Toxic's Sign- **

**Sorry for not updating. Like I said in my bio there have been mumerous car accidents recently involving people I know and well…lets just say Hell opened up and burped on my home town. HOWEVER…I shall not be so easily discouraged! DRUM ROLL PLEASE! drums… I AM PROUDTO PRESENT TO YOU PATIENT READERS CHAPTER7! applause ENJOY!**

**Vega Moon Star and Co.**

'………' **thought**

"………" **speech **

**(………) authoress trying to lighten the mood………but failing**

**To Be Alive:**

**Chapter 7**

**His Eyes: Windows to Our Souls**

Heero met Ray in the gym after school like she asked. Dressed in shorts and t-shirt. Ray stood on mat waiting for him also dressed in her gym cloths. Heero walked up to her.

"Whats going on?" he asked instantly suspicious. Ray grinned.

"I want to spar with you." She said simply.

"What?" Ray sighed.

"Fight. I want to fight you." Heero stared at her thinking this was a joke. Like she could stand against him…a gundam pilot. But then remembering all the times he'd seen her fight seniors in the hall, he figured it was ok. He'd just go easy on her. Boy was he wrong. No sooner had the match begun then Heero found himself on the ground staring at the ceiling. Ray frowned.

"Come on Yuy. You got to be stronger then that!" Heero got up a brushed imaginary dust off himself.

"Have you ,by any chance, had any type of training." He asked. She smirked.

"Yep"

"How much?" Ray took a fighting stance.

"Come closer and I'll show you." Heero smirked and took a stance as well. Ray charged first. Throwing punches and kicks. Heero either dodged or blocked her attacks waiting for an opening. Finally one came. His fist connected with her abdomen. Ray back flipped away. Clutching her stomach. She looked from her stomach to Heero. He hadn't even broken a sweat yet. She grinned.

'So he is a soldier' Heero took another stance, but Ray didn't. She stood in front of him leisurely a taunting grin on her face. 'What is she thinking' Deciding to take a chance Heero charged her giving a little more than before. He raised his fist aiming for his target. Ray smirked. Reading his movements perfectly, she grabbed his arm and swung his entire body over her head. Heero hit the mat and Ray didn't waste anytime pinning him with her own body. She smiled triumphantly at him. Heero was shock to say the least and began cursing his weakness.

"C'mon Heero is that all you've got? Aren't you even taking this seriously?"

"I don't see why I should. It's just a simple sparing match." Ray frowned slightly.

"Come on! I thought you held a little more respect for me Heero. Stop playing safe and fight me! I know you can do better than that!"

"And how would you know?" Heero glared at her .

'Could she be a soldier? Does she know who I am.'

"I know…because I know you're not a normal teen." Heero's eyes widened slightly. 'she does know…!'

"Your eyes give you away…"

"My eyes?" Heero questioned. What did his eyes have to do with it?

"You have the eyes of a soldier. You're not normal, at least from the publics percpective. You've seen much, been though a lot. You experienced war at its heights. Your stronger than most and have been scarred by life."

"How do you know?" Heero spoke voice barely above a whisper.

"I told you. Your eyes. To normal people they're cold and unemotionaly, but to someone like me. They're sad, pained, lonely."

"Some one like you?" Heero glared at her again. Ray smiled.

"You hold a wisdom Heero. Your mind and soul's age far out does that of you body."

"I could say the same to you. You seem to be well trained in reading people. Either that or well informed." Suspicion dripped from every word.

"It happens to us all I suppose at one point in our lives. We all have our moments and war effects everyone in some way. I say it as I see it. And I see it because you and I are a lot alike Heero. I've trained in the martial arts since I was five and have had my fair share of the war. It's easy for me to pick out a fellow warrior from among the masses." Heero stared at her searching her face for sign that she was lying but he found none.

"So." Ray tilted her head to the side. "You gonna fight me or not. "

"On one condition you have to answer me a question."

"Shoot.."

"What part does the war have in your life? What happened to you…?" Ray frowned. Sighing she rolled off of him and sat Indian style on the mat…

"I guess it's ok to tell you…for some reason I know I can trust you Heero."

"Hn" was the only reply as Heero sat across from her waiting… Taking a deep breathe Ray began…

**A/N HAAAAA That's right I'm cruel. Sorry but you'll have to wait till next time to find out about Ray. Till next time! Later Days!**


End file.
